Monthly Archives: August 2010

planet

A sweater fetish is not a joking matter, especially for a sweater addict who cannot afford to support her habit. I grudgingly took a look at my bank account yesterday and for a stingy stingaroony like myself I don’t know how I managed to not pass out in horror.

I wont go into details but what was even MORE disappointing was the fact that I had finally found my favorite shop in linkoping lin&co. They had just gotten in some MAGNIFICENT sweaters that I would like to be buried in…for a fine price of about 1500 SEK (thats about 200 smackaroos for you americans). GAH Just shoot me now.

In other news

I got my schedule all sorted out yesterday, and I begin class bright and early tomorrow at the same time that most of you will be tumbling into your beds. My History of the European Identity course and my Swedish course are up first, then nothing for a whole week! I have a very odd schedule. I am hoping to sneak into a Drama Communication course as well but the odds are against me because the wait list is quite long.

After that was all set My friend Jonna and I explored the town a bit more..


and stumbled upon an ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE coffee shop that will be perfect for studying in the winter…inside of course :)

We grabbed a quick bite to eat at a restaurant and then headed back to Ryd where my friend Annika and I went for a little 5k run around in the forest! It is so pretty in there and there are so may trails I was scared we would get lost.

We made it out alright, no missing persons report was filed thankfully. I changed, showered, and met up with Jonna at her dorm for some knitting! I finished my first little square of knitting and begun my next spool of yarn! Hopefully by the time I leave here I will know how to make something actually useful hahah.

slacker

I find it sad that my grandmother-ness is apparent across cultural borders. When one of my Turkish roommates chuckled as he walked past me this morning–parked on the sofa with tea, in my glasses and favorite sweater, knitting–I had was curious as to why.

When I asked, the reply was that I looked like a grandmother. Welp, might as well move into the retirement home now people. Apparently I would fit right in.

My day moved at a senior citizen’s pace, just the way I like it. With all this activity I have not had much down time in my room to just relax so I took today to do just that. It was beautiful outside, so I opened my windows wide as I proceeded to sit at my desk, refilling my teacup while knitting and watching season one Rachel Zoe illegally online.

I did have a moderate amount of social contact however so no one get concerned! I had dinner with friends (chinese food) followed by dessert at back at my place for some Bridget Jones Diary watching.

Geez I love Colin Firth. Yes, I realize I have odd taste in men.

Bridget reminds me of myself in so many ways, so it is rather painful for me to watch her get herself into awkward social situations because I do many of the same embarassing things (or similar haha not EXACTLY the same). We also share the inability to censor things that come out of our mouths at any given moment, spend alot of time with our parents, and even dress similarly?

It’s quite disturbing really.

She is interesting to watch however, and people like the movies and books for a reason so I suppose I would rather be spastic and unpredictable than be boring. I am here to entertain you–you are welcome.

:)



beep

Alright, this is the official call for voting disco dancing into the olympic games. Particularly Euro disco dancing. I consider myself to be a relatively avid dancer, but I had to peace out early (1:30 or so) because I was just TOO DAMN TIRED.
notice the cute couple to the left COULD I GET ANY CREEPIER. i dont care. they are sweet hahah

Granted, today WAS another busy one so I have a right to be worn out. It began with a failed attempt to sleep in, followed by finally paying my rent, going to the shopping center with the girls, finally purchasing essentials (yes, more essentials) like a loofah, a hair brush, an agenda, and some chicken and meatballs.

ACTUAL FOOD exists in my life again and I cannot wait to eat it. Not that I haven’t been absolutely loving my diet of crackers and cheese and licorice. How can someone expect a candy fiend like me to eat anything else when the candy aisles here are beyond insane?! They even have black licorice ice cream, but I have yet to bring myself to eat ice cream when it is cold outside. Probably should do it now before it gets any chillier I suppose.

I was unable to actually eat any other of my new purchases (except some candy on the bus of course) because some boys were making German lasagna for a little crowd of 12 people so of course I couldn’t turn that down. While I was getting ready to leave everyone in the world got on skype so I got to talk for an hour or so. Then dinner, pre party, and disco around ten! We picked up quite a few friends on or walk there, growing from nine people to 15..quite a dance circle. I dont know if any of you have heard of Swedish House Mafia but people around here go crazy for it..you should have seen the dance floor when that baby hit the airwaves.


The music was so-so but give me anything with a beat and of course I love it. My crazy dancing tactics were on the tame side of this dance floor so you know I was loving it. Two-or-so hours in and I was a sweaty mess, and ready for a break, which eventually turned into talking to people and getting tired SOOOO I joined another girl who was ready to leave on our trek back to Ryd, the student housing.

I have really come to treasure my relaxing time when I get on the computer, creep on the ABQ facebook goings on and drink my stress relief tea. Tonight my tea bag had the loveliest little words of wisdom.


But yeah, it was a nice thing to read :)

Miss you all!

whoosh

that was the sound of time flying by. I apologize for being absolutely MIA on all fronts the past couple of days (has it already been almost a week?!) but I have barely had the time to buy a brush ( ..or brush my hair) much less get on the internet for long enough to type anything up.

Here is an Official ‘Hej’ from the land of Basshunter, ABBA, Ikea, and H&M!!

GAH I have a to do list the size of the Rio Grande, SHOTOUT NM, but it seems that the more I attempt to cross things off it the more things just keep appearing. I LOVE bottom-less lists of chores!

After somehow surviving (BARELY) my 6am departure from the 505, a three hour flight to DC for a five hour layover, followed by a 8 and a half hour flight to Copenhagen, a 1 hour flight to Stockholm, a two hour train ride to Linkoping, and a two hour or so checking in process I finally tumbled into bed on Monday evening.

Tuesday was spent waiting around for my bag, which had not made it to Stockholm and would not make it to me until Wednesday morning. Trips to the store occurred on this day however where I loaded up with Swedish food like black licorice, Wasa crackers, lingonberry jam, a block of cheese, fruit, meatballs(!!), etc.

PSST…

I Also I set up up my Swedish phone so if you need to call me it is 0764093814-I do not know that the country code is but I do receive text messages but I cannot text back to America I do not think. My skype account is kalliemarie69 (of course) and I am always logged on so give me a call and if im in my room we can talk! :)

On Tuesday night the student housing bar HG (that’s right a dorm bar, suck it American students) hosts an international night–but to get in you have to get there at like 8 or be prepared to wait in line for 2 hours. So at 10 one of my housemates and I headed over to a corridor (dorm) party that we heard about through the line grapevine. There I met a jumble of people from Germany, France, Canada, Spain..not so much Swedes though. sidenote: At orientation the next day we heard that there are only ever supposed to be 20 people in the corridor areas…let’s just say that rules was broken several times over.

Anyways, Wednesday I was finally able to shower when I got my bag and was no longer looked upon as dirty American scum (actually that is debatable. At least I was CLEAN dirty American scum). I had my orientation in the town center, but did not take pictures in attempt to fit it as a local..and failing hahah because I was wearing flip flops.

A trip to Ikea followed–in which I got COMPLETELY and utterly lost because I went upstairs where they have all the pretend rooms set up for people buying huge furniture and they wouldn’t let you go back down the stairs and I was all of a sudden in the kitchen of the cafe…you get the picture.

alright Ikea, you may have won this round but I took many things from you so we can call it even.

Don’t fret–I eventually figured it out as I always manage to do. I maneuvered my way through the store for about two hours due to my indecision about purchases and then made my way home on the bus with the goods. The room is a work in progress but it is coming along.


Speaking of the room, I share a kitchen and living room with 8 other students. Two from Turkey, one from Iran, two from Spain, one from Sweden, and two from somewhere in Asia. Those of you who can add may be puzzled why including me that is nine people, but technically there is supposed to be 8 and obviously there is some sharing going on. I really have no idea who all is living here to be honest because I have only been in my room to cry (it’s my party..you know) to my parents over skype and to sleep.


Alright where were we? I have no idea. I seriously had to scroll back up a moment because my brain honestly has no idea where I have been in the past 48 hours unless followed chronologically. Moving to another country can do that to you–it’s like drugs, but way more stressful and expensive so those of you who enjoy this feeling…keep doing what you are already doing hahah its cheaper. (adults feel free to erase this paragraph from your memory)

Thursday! My flip flop wearing, umbrella-less, bike-less, sleep-deprived, CAFFEINE deprived, hopped-up-on-black-licorice self walked over to campus for a tour. There I met a lot of people who are now friends. It is crazy for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I have only known them for two days because it seems like so much longer.

We grabbed some coffee after the tour and made a gameplan list of things to do–which we immediately disregared and instead bought tickets to some upcoming parties (you have to buy tickets, it is very odd), attempted to pay our rent and failed so instead made lunch, changed, and then went to get in line for a giant Oktoberfest style welcoming celebration (mind you this was about 5:30pm, we got in at 7)

A new friend saved me from my flipflopping state by lending me some spare kicks

And this was just the line to get in.

The festival was so crazy. There were thousands of students with giant german beer steins filled with cider and beer, there was a stage, there were tents to house people during the periodic periods of rain with giant long tables. There were all the Swedes!

Let me just say that they are serious about their drinking out here. As the night progressed tables were danced on, turned over, glasses were broken all over, my finger got cut at some point.., the live band moved inside, there was a disco outside, it was ridiculous.


We ended up leaving early at the peak of the party (1 or so) to walk home so we could wake up and try to do things on the to do list on…

FRIDAY! Today. For you New Mexicans out there it is only about 3pm, some of you might just be starting your day and here I am about to write this, read a bit with tea and PASS OUT FINALLY at 12 or so (then it will be 4).

First things first–breakfast:

Then I registered online, found my courses, and stood in line with people for their overalls (ill explain at a later time. it is very odd), before taking a bus into town to get money for errands.

An H&M visit got me some shoes, an umbrella, and a clutch to replace my GINORMOUS purse…


…A secondhand shop stop got me some decorative knick knacks :) Later a group of us decided to take it easy tonight–made dinner together and watched tv.

I was surprised that all the tv shows here are in english. There are only a few channels I guess, but they show almost all recognizable shows. Leave it to the Simpsons to bring all cultures together. It was on in my living room the other night and every body who walked by was like AH THE SIMPSONS. Doesn’t matter if you are from Germany or Iran, you know it. I even had a Real Housewives of New York spotting on channel 6, you know that even though I pretended that I didn’t know what it was and promptly changed the channel I was BEYOND PUMPED on the inside.

I think I’m out for now kids. I’m beat. I will try to update more in the future. There are just SO MANY PARTIES and events right now, endorsed by the University. It;s ridiculous and awesome: UNM I’m talking to you.

opposites

Life is essentially comprised of experiences with opportunities for opposing interpretations. TRANSLATION: It all depends how you look at it.

For example..

Fear of going somewhere new is no fun, but the excitement that comes along with it is.



Missing your bed(s) at home is no fun, but bringing your comforter with you to another country is!


Five hour layovers are no fun, but people watching is–particularly in the international wing (think lots of languages)

I refrained from taking pictures hah in effort to conceal my rudeness


Saying goodbye is no fun, but going away parties are!

THE MENU

  • Chips, salsa, and guacamole
  • Chicken and shrimp kabobs
  • Polenta
  • Fruit Salad
  • Caprese
  • Jenny’s coconut cupcakes

It was so nice to see everyone, sorry if you didnt make it into a picture (most of you didnt) because my camera went out at like 8 hah BUT I was so glad that I got a chance to see the people I care about all in one room!

I am sitting in the Dulles airport right now, I am boarding the plane in about an hour and a half and I am incredibly nervous. Not only for the plane ride (yes flying scares me a bit), but for navigating by myself from the airport to the train station in Stockholm to Linkoping to my dorm room. Also, the concept of being cut off from the world basically by turning off my phone for five months is just crazy to think about.

My anxiety is seriously taking over my body right now(room is spinning a bit and I have a headache and feel nauseous), but writing about it seems to help. I really hope that I can address this problem once I get settled in. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am fine and that nothing physical is wrong with me.

Ill keep you all posted! :)

questions

Got one of these things so if you have any questions feel free to use it! :)

http://www.formspring.me/kalmrh

surreal

You know, when I was studying for my Psych 105 quizzes this semester I never figured I might one day be one of those people who have a disorder. I just couldn’t comprehend that the mind could manifest itself physically–those people were just test subjects and I was just studying from them

They weren’t me.

First inspections by the neurologist cleared me of an obvious brain tumor or anything and seemed to point in the direction of a dissociative disorder called depersonalization. Although that would absolutely make perfect sense considering my current circumstances, I’m still skeptical because if it was truly in my head I feel like I would be able to force myself out of this funk.(they also scheduled me for an MRI just in case they were wrong) I’m thinking now that I might have jam packed my life to avoid thinking about the things I know would hurt me.

I am a self professed control freak but this goes much deeper than I could have ever anticipated. When I look back at this summer there was just no period of rest.

may 12th I moved out of my dorm

may 24th I left for Corvallis

june 1st I was in Portland

june 6th I was in Washington

june 14th I was back home

june 29th I broke up with my boyfriend of almost three years

june 30th I left for D.C.

july 1st-30th I worked for the first time as an intern and was away from home and everything I knew

and now on august 22nd I will be leaving for Sweden for 6 months

Looking at all of that from an objective perspective I can see how someone going through that much would be stressed to the max BUT I haven’t felt stressed or sad at all. It all points to me compartmentalizing my feelings about it to the point where I can no longer function. I am trying to think about it, but for some reason I only get sad attacks sporadically and their effects only last about ten minutes.

The psychologist deemed me a classic case of an anxiety disorder–one where I have pushed my stress level to the point where my brain has just stopped functioning in the same way it used to. So awesome. Officially crazy.

Long story short long I am taking a break from blogging for the next couple of weeks so I can try to get myself together before leaving. I truly am very excited about the opportunity to go to Sweden but I am terrified to leave, much less with an anxiety disorder. I am just going to focus on myself and what I want to do because I spend an awful lot of time compromising myself to make others happy and I guess it has just gotten to me.