crackle

With finals around the corner for everyone, I am fully aware that this is not the time to brag about enjoying having little to no responsibilities at the moment–but that is not going to stop me!

I have always had the tendency to jam pack my life with activities that keep me rushing from place to place at all times, until now! Well, technically until Sweden where I had ABSOLUTELY nothing that I needed to do. So I guess I have to have a little bit of responsibility to keep me grounded.

Yesterday was seriously such a great day, I cannot hold in the boasting. I had coffee and breakfast with one set of parents, then drove in to town and met my mom for coffee and an impromptu shopping session where two of my favorite items were purchased–books and sweater!–then a work meeting, went to jen’s house and cooked, then went to early thanksgiving potluck where at least 6 of my favorite things occurred–including but not limited to eating, drinking, friends watching (the tv show hahah), laughing, etc., then i drove home to my cozy bed and read before falling asleep.

Although I know it will catch up with me this winter break when I am at school from 8:30 am to 9pm for two weeks straight, it is supremely nice that my schedule looks like this

Clearly, less than rigorous.

Considering how little I HAVE to do, it is interesting how busy I have managed to become anyways. I find myself at my computer a surprisingly little amount–facebook creeping down to a minimum ;)

I’ve been eating, baking, etc

Shopping..

On the sale rack of course haha

Andddd decorating in my head BECAUSE I move in with Tessa in about a month!

So excited–it’s my first house and I’m so glad I get to move in with such a good roommate! I have always been lucky with the roommates actually..FLASHBACK! and trevor and mel hahah

“Nothing has happened today, except kindness,” –Gertrude Stein

That is all :)

grounded

“I long, as does every human being, to find myself at home wherever I find myself.”

-Maya Angelou

I feel incredibly mixed up at the moment. I am in a perpetual fog, one in which I am enjoying myself, but at the same time it is rather irritating to be unable to snap out of it.

Since my departure and my clean bill of health I have been attempting to accept my current state as temporary insanity and just enjoy my life despite my mindset being skewed (politically correct way of saying nutso).

I have come to the conclusion that my brain fog could be due to the disappearance of my identity. Who I am is incredibly intertwined with who I try to be for other people, and the people that I choose to surround myself with serve as ‘mirrors’ of sorts that ground me and keep my sense of being in check.

This whole summer I have been without these people, these pillars of assistance and I think my brain is having a hard time scrambling to create the conception of who I am on its own.

I have indefinitely overanalyzed everything that has been going on to an unhealthy extent–I carry that part of me always ;) i suppose– but this theory seems to make the most sense.

There is little conception of where ‘home‘ is for me, which certainly doesnt help. I have many places that I love to be and that I associated as home in many ways but there isn’t really that place that is fully MINE that gives me that comforting sense of relief. I love both my parents’ homes but I dont know, I haven’t fully formulated this thought yet.

I have had alot of time to ponder what exactly I prioritize in a home atmosphere and I have pinpointed certain things that I would like to have included in that place of my own whenever it appears in my life.

For starters a bright, open kitchen with wooden table

Exposed brick wall

Attic room or other rustic style guest room

Hodgepodge of eclectic collectables on display

Relaxing, spacious bedroom

Plentiful bookshelves

Cozy living room, reading area

Garden, even if in an urban location

I don’t ask for much, eh?  Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Basically it is nice to dream about creating a place of sanctuary, a place where I could escape and feel completely relieved and cut off from the world but able to accommodate my friends and family over when I feel like it.

When I return to Albuquerque I will be living with Tessa (YAY EXCITED) but I don’t know for how long, where I will be going to school next, where I want to live after school, or what I want to do. I am trying to just live in the moment and not worry about it, but it is nagging at me quite a bit.

“When you are safe at home you wish you were having an adventure, when you are having an adventure you wish you were safe at home.”

–Thorton Wilder

crystal

Going through so many life changes in such a short span of time, as well as being around/visiting people who are established in their careers and family has led me to stop ignoring the fact that adulthood is looming on the horizon and contemplate my current path.

I have led a life filled with comfort and I would not take back a second of it. However, I feel that I have wasted these 18 years to a certain extent. I’m not the girl who goes out often, I’m not the girl who takes risks, I never have any crazy stories to tell you (but I gladly listen). The next 18 I want to look back on and not have this feeling. This seems to be the perfect opportunity for a new beginning, I am about to move to another country, sans my support network of parents, best friends, and boyfriend.

My mom has made ‘goal lists’ of sorts my whole life, yes thats where I get my list making compulsion i’m afraid (thanks mom). Anyways, she organizes them into short and long term goals and dreams. Some are general hopes for the future, think move to Paris, while some are more immediately do-able like painting the living room.

During her recent visit I was reminded of these lists that I had previously never thought about very much and I brought them up. She proceeded to ask me what would be on mine and I honestly had no answer.

There is so much I want to cram into my lifetime, much of which would be impossible to accomplish in conjuction with one another. This trip has made me incredibly self reflective, maybe its being away from home and sick or just working and being formally introduced to the real world, who knows.

I have been attempting to pin point some things that I would like to have in my life, and I think I have begun to nail down a few.

1. -Live abroad
2. -Travel to Greece, Spain, Chile, Ireland, and the Caribbean
3. -Do something to change someone (or preferably multiple someone’s) life
4. -Write a book
5. -Be featured in a major publication (nyt, the new yorker, the chicago sun times, any magazine..really anything)
6. -Have multiple homes in places I love
7. -Get in a fist fight
8. -Decorate a house to reflect myself fully
9. -Become a yoga instructor
10. -Go to cooking school
11. -Open and run a sandwich/coffee/book store
12. -Be an au pair for a summer
13. -Plant a garden from scratch
14. -Run a marathon
15. -Live a year on strictly the bare minimum
16. -Live a year ridiculously extravagantly
17. -Go on an absolutely luxurious vacation
18. -Get married in Castine
19. -Break out of my comfort zone
20. -Not be so selfish
21. -Fly in a private jet
22. -Speak another language (aside from my sketchy french)
23. -Have a family. You know kids, hubby, dogs, the whole deal
24. -Win a difficult tennis game
25. -Go to a spa and get the works
26. -Ski in the alps, preferably with my dad
27. -Climb another 14-er
28. -Cry so hard I throw up (from happiness or otherwise)
29. -Tell someone I despise exactly how I feel about them
30. -Have a The Hangover kinda night

That’s where I’m at as of now, some of them are odd I know but I try not censor my thoughts on this blog (within reason) so there you go.

Creating an oasis in a home is high on my priority list for my life as of now, being in a generic dorm room unable to decorate has worn on me a bit and I have become obsessed with finding pictures that reflect things I would like to encorporate into my future homes.

ENJOY