middle

Our lives are quite fragile.

We trust them to this giant green and blue blob bobbing around the galaxy, but honestly the world could end at any moment. There is nothing substantial keeping us supenended in space . There is not one thing on earth that is one hundred percent reliable and yet we expect our planet to be so. We expect our planet to absorb the weight of our relationships, our troubles, our thoughts and suspend it in a zero gravity abyss.

The relationship between humans and the earth is entirely unhealthy; it gives and gives, and we take and take. We have taken for centuries, longer than we can possibly  imagine but eventually everything must come to an end. Delicious food will go bad, great movies will roll the credits, remarkable brains will rot in the skulls of their owners. It just seems far-fetched to me that our world would be any different.

All I know is, I want to make sure that I am enjoying every moment that is thrown at me for the simple fact that it is there. Any situation that you are in,thats where you are and there is no point wishing otherwise. If the planet did spontaneously combust, while you were in math class desperately wishing to be free, your last moments would be unfulfilled. Instead, enjoy your surroundings and embrace any situation that you happen to be in.

I totally realize this is easier said than done, but perfection in thought is impossible. So we can only strive to make changes for our benefit and do that best we can.

I hope you have a beautiful day, enjoy it, embrace it, savor it. It could be your last.

globe

there is something beautiful about confusion.

other times it just sucks

findings

time is nothing but a giant maze these days. trying to decipher where i should go next is becoming increasingly difficult.

first dilemma- should I accept the internship in DC or to work and save up money this summer.

second dilemma-  should I transfer from UNM to berkeley, stanford, yale, or columbia (assuming I get in of course)

third dilemma- should I just stay at UNM for my undergrad and go to one of the above for grad school.

fourth dilemma- should I go into the magazine business, broadcast journalism, regular journalism, or none of the above

fifth dilemma- should I just fail all my classes, lay in bed all day and eat my way to 500 pounds.

choices, choices..

leaning towards the columbia/ magazine route currently, mainly because I recently re-watched the September Issue. Anna Wintour has my life I swear, although I can’t imagine being that brilliant.

new

Just forget what you cannot replace
This sweet day is almost weightless and new
So I talk but no one can relate
To the fear I had when I was younger
‘Cause somehow I knew I’d end up empty and alone
We all accept in the same tired way
The gentle shift of continuous change
And we confuse all the things that we say to ourselves
With the things we say to each other, it’s always a lie
But at least we find some comfort for awhile
So we’ll start where the others left off
Get in our cars and embrace something new
Once you escape you will always get caught
In the fear that what you had before was better
And you will become sick with the dream of going back
To the old

–CO

Rex Ray:

frazzled

would be the adjective I would use to describe my trek from la po back to my dorm. I felt cute (despite my unshowered state of being) when I walked out the door this morning, sporting my favorite comfy heels, the shirt I slept in, and my banana republic pencil skirt.

HOWEVER the issue of my skirt being in dire need of tailoring became increasingly pronounced in conjunction with the fact that I was wearing a tank too with no bra when my hands were full of my to go la po treasures and the New Mexican wind blowing at full blast.

I cannot even imagine (nor do I want to ) what I must have looked like to all the people I walked past hahah. My hair was completely blocking my face as I held my cut of fruit in my mouth, stumbled over rocks in my heels, while trying to make my sweater cover my about to fall out boobs and my skirt that was turing around my waist like a pinwheel…so as I said..frazzled.

The bright lining of this whole story was my visit to la po. I have a love affair with that place. Most people complain, but it has allowed me to not grocery shop for months! You just have to have a game plan. My personal game plan involves loading up on lunch meat, green chile, hitting the salad bar for veggies and fruit, stopping at the soup section, and grabbing lettuce from the sandwich station, occasionally I get ice cream or soy milk as well. I also stash fruit like bananas and apples in my purse…All of this serves a greater purpose of course.

When I get back I wash the lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, spinach, chickpeas, and cucumber and ziplock that shit.

Then I cut the fruit into a fruit salad and tupperware it up. The green chile goes wherever so I can put it in my eggs. SAWEEEEET. see what I mean?

Anyways, Kemper left today. It was such a fun week and nice to have him back. I wish he went to UNM, I know he would really like it.

So I am drowning my sorrows in chile! My lunch is chock full of spice, Enchiladas and eggs with green chile, yum :) My reasoning is basically my mouth will be in pain, not my heart hahaha.

defenestrate

• Definition: to throw out of a window
• Pronunciation: dee- FEN-uh-strayt
• Part of Speech: transitive verb

(Word of the Day according to my computer doo-hickey)

AHEM, SPEAKING OF WINDOWS…

The weather is driving me nutso! Although I appreciate the variety of waking up in a snow storm and having it give way to sunshine and heat by 4 pm, the periodic bundling up and stripping off of layers makes me want to go ballistic.

Is predictability just too muchto ask of you New Mexico skies?! My now-bulging backpack, filled with my snow coat, fleece, and gloves begs to differ. Can’t complain too much about the beautiful day that has blossomed outside though, the countdown to summer is officially at 49 days, 3 hours, and 50 minutes and it has never looked so good!

That is an absolute lie and total exaggeration, it always looks amazing this time of year. BUT right now it seems impossibly far away.

Second complaint: My skin has decided to revolt against my face. I realize this makes no sense, but neither does my skin’s current condition so its a fitting metaphor (while not being a metaphor at all).

I feel like I am back in 10th grade right now, and it WILL be taken care of. Starting today I have given up coffee, am drinking a ridiculous amount of water, eating salmon and spinach for every meal and being extra diligent about my vitamins, especially omega-3s.

I am going to go for a run now, take advantage of this weather, I leave you with some little tidbits that made me giggle.

HORRIBLE

I feel as though I have spent my life waiting.

Waiting to begin high school, immediately waiting to graduate, waiting to get to college, then waiting for it to be summer, waiting for the day to be over, and waking up waiting for it to begin again, waiting for people to call you, waiting to start your life, waiting to be happy.

I look forward to things for so long and then when they finally come around I lack the capacity to fully embrace them. I instead waste the opportunity and take everything for granted. It wouldn’t be so bad i suppose if I had something to look forward to.

Now I can see that i’m still waiting, but i just dont know what for anymore.

Today has just progressively gotten worse. I was late to class, had two articles due today that people that I contacted LAST WEEK on Monday are now all falling through on. I am super stressed, have a paper to write and no motivation, and all I want is a hug. And I lost a bet because I have now cried before Friday when I said I could go a week without doing so.

guilty as charged

Inspired by my fashion crush’s blog topic this week, Taylor from the Rachel Zoe Project (well, no longer actually..sad face to the 100th power) I have compiled a list of my guiltiest pleasures.

(CHECK HER BLOG OUT, she’s adorable –http://www.everydayminerals.com/fan-club/love/564-innocent-until-proven-guilty)

Smackers Lip Balm- Pink lemonade kind rocks!

My White Leather Organizer- My dependence in it is ridiculous really, I think my brain would combust without it.

Real Simple Magazine- Did you know you can use olive oil to shave?!  Or use velcro to hang a painting..So much information

Netflix Instant Queue- All the better to watch 30 rock in my bed with my dear

Real Housewives (all of them)- Sad but true

Oatmeal Raisin Luna Bar- Its like the BEST cookie that is not really a cookie in existence (paired with soy latte triples its yum factor)

Highpoint’s Sauna- Why, yes my friends and I go there randomly to get in the sauna hahah

My Bed- It’s essentially a little nest..so tempting to stay in it all day.

Adjectives- Can’t get enough of ‘em

Justin Bieber- The song Love Me is so addicting I swear..I like the original where the chorus came from too.

Barnes and Noble- It is just too easy to go read the magazines and books for free..is that stealing?

The Word ‘Snack’- Fun to say, even more fun to eat.

AND I JUST DISCOVERED I CAN CHANGE THE FONT COLOR WOOOOOOO. PLEASE GO WATCH THIS VIDEO THIS DUDE IS SO FUNNY!

ink

The sound of coffee pouring is magical, much more so than any other beverage. It signifies waking up, the beginning of a day, and allows the drinker to inadvertently consider possibilities. It is a mix of a babbling creek and alertness, swirled up in the glass pot and delivered into your waiting hands.

Coffee is perfectly paired with writing of any kind. I am beginning my writing today with my thoughts, so that I can get them all out and focus on my task at hand. I have a paper for literary questions about the implications of the ‘sexual contract’ which leads me to believe that my teacher MIGHT be a slight feminist. It is difficult for me to write a paper formed around an argument that I do not really consider valid, but it has more and more become my forte.

I think I have decided to major in English, for my undergraduate at least because I love to write and read so why deny myself that? I will build on my English degree with something of more applicability in grad school. Anyways, it is supposed to snow today but it looks like a beautiful day so I want to begin and end this assignment as quickly as possible. I cannot write the paper this early, I know myself too well and it will be mediocre at the best.

I employ a strategy of controlled procrastination. Now I realize that appears to be a massive oxymoron BUT I have a theory and it has served me well this far. I have to basically immerse myself in my subject, read it, take notes, think about it, talk about it, be its therapist and its best friend THEN I have to wait until I get struck with the inspiration to begin writing..which normally happens the night before the paper is due as luck would have it.

Wish me luck.

check

Today is the day I am going to kick ass and get shit done. I have relaxed and essentially done nothing of substance up until now BUT it is time to face the fact that I have a culture journal for french, three quizzes and a test for psych, a paper for literary questions, two articles for work, and a book report for my honors class all due right after break.

I am buckling down today and getting it all done. I have a habit to SAY I am going to get things done at my dads house and then end up eating and watching tv all day but I am determined to break that cycle and use my isolation for good, not evil ;)